


Crazy Jealous and Definitely NOT Cool

by letsgetthiswheat



Category: ASTRO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-30 16:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17227607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetthiswheat/pseuds/letsgetthiswheat
Summary: Eunwoo and Moonbin have been best friends since debut, and Moonbin has always seen Eunwoo as his platonic soulmate. Until Eunwoo starrs in Top Management. Seeing him act with his co-star Ahn Hyo Seop, Moonbin begins to question whether his love for his best friend extends beyond mere friendship.When it comes to Moonbin and Eunwoo, love comes in the form of Sunmi songs, mesh shirts and fake gay dramas.





	1. Flipside

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Top Management Episode 9 and the gay fanfic scene... big oof. i thought about how the rest of Astro, especially Moonbin would react. Also the last time I wrote any fanfic was in 2011 so excuse the awkward writing which i hope gets better soon.

It was early March in Seoul. Winter had come to an end, and the wind encouraged wandering folk to stick their hands in their woollen coat pockets. Many Seoul natives were out on the streets enjoying the weekend with their loved ones, Issac toast in hand to combat any remnants of the cold weather. 

Moonbin was cooped up in the Fantagio practice room by himself, keeping his dancing muscles sharp with some urban street choreography. He was the first to admit that Astro’s choreography wasn’t the easiest, but its style was a far cry from the challenge of his favourite studio’s work. He loved practising to English songs with Rocky to ensure that he had sufficient material should they be asked to freestyle on broadcast. Only after a couple hours and a sweat-soaked t-shirt did he unplug the aux cord and gather his things. His phone vibrated in his hand. 

Manager hyung: “Bin-ah, I’m picking Dongmin up from set. Why don’t we go visit him before they wrap for the day? It’s on the way to the dorm from the company building. Wait for me downstairs in 15 minutes!”

Moonbin hopped into the attached showers with gusto. Although Astro had debuted for a couple years now, he was still fresh to many aspects of the idol industry, namely the acting side. With the exception of their debut web drama To Be Continued, Moonbin had never really been on a professional film set. He had wanted to start acting seriously since debut, but never had the chance since most casting directors made beelines for Eunwoo. Moonbin wasn’t upset, heck, he was proud of his best friend. But he was lying if he said he wasn’t jealous at all. All he could do was watch dramas at home and now, creep onto Eunwoo’s drama sets for a taste of stardom.

Moonbin rushed to the elevators with a minute left on the clock(he had decided to blow-dry his hair. He couldn’t meet all those actors looking like a wet dog). Just as the doors were about to close, a manicured hand slipped between them. Moonbin jumped and looked up from his scrolling through his instagram feed.

“Ah, Moonbin oppa! Where are you headed off to?” 

It was Yoojung from Weki Meki. They had been trainees together and he had supported her during Produce 101, leading to them becoming fast close friends. They had bonded easily over their love of dance and helped each other through a number of hardships before debut. He saw her as an annoying little sister with a few wise mom friend moments, and she saw him as a caring albeit serious older brother. 

Moonbin told her about Eunwoo’s new drama and they quickly caught up on their recent schedules. Moonbin about Astro’s local concerts and Yoojung about Weki Meki’s upcoming album. They complained about stress and dieting in the short time they had in the elevator, leaving Moonbin rather self-satisfied. With all their schedules and events together, not to mention living in the same apartment, Moonbin was constantly around his bandmates. As much as he loved them, he appreciated having someone outside the group to confide in. Spending all his time with the same people left him with an itch to meet new people and hang out with his other friends.

With that thought in mind, Moonbin climbed into the black van and steeled himself to greet the drama staff as amicably as he could. 

After being stuck in traffic for a while, they arrived at the set. Moonbin’s heart picked up pace as he stepped onto unmarked territory. The exterior of the building was completely unsuspecting, painted a plain grey-brown. The entrance to the building was located next to a large garage-like door, inconspicuous in its minimalist steel grey design. Pushing open the heavy metal door, Moonbin was greeted with warm lighting and the sound of the director yelling “CUT!”. He immediately felt slightly out of his element. The atmosphere of the drama set inexplicably worlds different from that of a music stage set or a music video set.

Moonbin gravitated to Eunwoo as he bowed to the staff adjusting his hair and clothes. He could always see his best-looking friend from miles away, mostly due to his svelte silhouette and flawless face. But before he could enter Eunwoo’s line of sight, a chestnut brown head came into a view. This new guy was undeniably handsome, even from afar, although(and he thought this with a slight ‘hmph’) not more so than Eunwoo. Moonbin was too far away to hear, but the more he talked the more the smile on Eunwoo’s face grew at each end. Moonbin belatedly realised that he was Eunwoo’s co-star, Ahn Hyo Seop. 

Moonbin couldn’t bring himself to walk towards them, Hyo Seop’s charming grin having a strangely repelling effect. The pair laughed at something only known to them, and Moonbin felt like he was suddenly plunged face first into his own drama scene. The staff bustling about seemed to slow down and he seemed oddly detached from his own body. He wished to be privy to their conversation and he felt a tinge of something unpleasant deep in his navel.

Shaking his head, Moonbin snapped out of his daze and scoffed to himself. How dramatic he was! Dongmin was allowed to have other friends that weren’t him! 

“Binnie! I didn’t know you were coming!” Eunwoo called out to him with a ‘come here’ gesture. Moonbin was unabashedly proud of the cute nickname.

He walked over sheepishly, as if his whole thought process was put on blast for all to hear.

When he was finally standing next to Eunwoo and Hyo Seop, Moonbin realised, infuriatingly so, that he was shorter than Hyo Seop just enough to have to look up at him. 

“Seoppie hyung, this is Moonbin. Moonbin-ah, meet Hyo Seop hyung, my wonderful co-star!” Eunwoo smiled warmly, his eye-smile making an appearance. 

‘Seoppie hyung’?! Clearly he wasn’t the only one who had earned an endearing nickname from Eunwoo. Moonbin grimaced at the thought.

He bowed and smiled stiffly at Hyo Seop. He couldn’t help but feel rather intimidated by the older actor. He was incredibly good-looking and friendly, his voice low and velvety. Moonbin unconsciously noted his own slightly blemish covered skin and un-styled hair.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you! I love your newest album and your dancing! Such a fan of your performance in the Crazy Sexy Cool music video. I could never hope to do something like that, really I’m just faking it for the drama. Really cool to finally see you in person!” Hyo Seop said, hands tucked into the pockets of his perfectly-fitted denim jacket. 

Not only was he more handsome, but he was nice and a genuine fan of their music? Moonbin was starting to dislike him for being so insufferably perfect. He shifted uncomfortably on the spot, sticking his hands in his adidas sweatpants.

After bowing and greeting the rest of the staff, Eunwoo and Hyo Seop had to start filming the next scene. The director offered Moonbin a chance to see the action so he took a seat behind the big camera.

Even from his disapproving point of view, Moonbin could tell that Eunwoo and Hyo Seop had great chemistry. Their small mannerisms, from small smiles to friendly punches in the arm, sold that they really were close bandmates…just like Moonbin and Eunwoo were. The plot of the drama seemed to mock him, Eunwoo’s and Hyo Seop’s characters becoming close friends, just like he and Eunwoo were. 

It was by no means Hyo Seop’s fault, nor was it Eunwoo’s, but the green monster crept up onto Moonbin’s shoulders. He had difficulty remembering that it was only a web drama, or that he had known Eunwoo for a much longer time than Hyo Seop did. Watching the two act like best friends made Moonbin feel like he was being replaced. Realistically, he knew that it wasn’t possible, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling sharp pangs of spear-ended jealousy.

——————————————————

After filming ended, Eunwoo and Moonbin said goodbye to Hyo Seop(Eunwoo with way too much unbridled enthusiasm in his humble opinion) and scrambled into the black van. Once they were in the van, the pair settled back into their normal routine of shout-singing BTS songs. That day was a Blood, Sweat and Tears sort of day. The boys dramatically sang the song and danced around wildly in the backseat, their manager’s complaints as the background vocals. 

Moonbin looked over at Eunwoo as he took over Jin’s bridge part. Eunwoo jokingly dragged his index finger across his bottom lip, and Moonbin unknowingly glanced down at them for a second too long.

“Naega neomu dalkomhae neomu dalkomhae neomu dalkomhaeseo!” Eunwoo’s dulcet voice suited the lyrics way too well, and Moonbin questioned his strange observations of his best friend. He rode them off as an unfortunate aftermath of his whole platonic rivalry with Hyo Seop, as well as his usual casual admiration of his friend’s beautiful features.

Moonbin had been best friends with Eunwoo for at least 4 years, and though he knew Eunwoo was perfect in every respect, he had never considered him as anything other than a friend. Being by his side meant that Moonbin had to be witness to many an idol hitting on his friend. Some were subtle, tucking their phone numbers into the occasional offering of a packaged sandwich, while others were much more upfront, approaching Astro in their waiting room. He had even seen the rare male idol, who he had to applaud for their bravery.

Eunwoo never accepted anyone’s proposal, throwing away many pieces of paper and bowing politely with apologetic smiles. Moonbin always pictured himself next to Eunwoo, although not in the place of his lover but rather his friend.

Until a few moments ago. Moonbin blinked and shook his head. Must be a one-off. 

As they belted out the last chorus, Moonbin took comfort in the nostalgia of the moment, how he and Eunwoo have been friends for years, and how nothing could ever change that.


	2. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moonbin bites off more than he can chew.

“Good job, everyone! Let’s all get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day.” Jinwoo said with a tired sigh, running his hands through his hair. 

The boys shuffled out of their shoes and went their separate ways. Eunwoo and Myungjun collapsing on the couch, Sanha and Minhyuk retreating into their room. The group always showered in age order, so Jinwoo hopped into the shower while the rest waited their turn. 

Moonbin walked into his and Eunwoo’s shared room and ran through a list of things to do in his head. There was the pile of clean laundry sitting unorganised in the corner of the room, a half-written song he wanted to present to the company in his laptop and some ideas for their next DDOCA video on a piece of paper on the desk. He pushed all the important, productive things to the side in favour of some good old fashioned Youtube. Relaxing in his bed, he sat with his back against the tiny headboard of the upper bunk. He tried to trick himself into thinking he was still technically ‘working’ by monitoring some of the group’s performances from past comebacks, seeing how they had improved over the years.

A small smile took over his lips as he watched their first ever music show appearance. They had yet to attain the skill of finding the camera mid-choreography, and his now sharpened eyes could see several mistakes in their formation changes. How unpolished and raw they were.

Moonbin gave himself a mental pat on the back for becoming more professional over those 2 years, a feat that he liked to think was quite admirable. He quickly watched 2016 through 2018, until he was fairly certain he could no longer endure watching himself another time. As one of their festival performances came to an end, Moonbin spotted a video on his recommendations that seemed quite interesting.

“Crazy Sexy Cool Yoon Sanha Fancam…” Moonbin mumbled to himself, clicking on the thumbnail curiously.

He realised that though he knew that fancams of individual members existed, he never did watch any of them. 

As the video went on, Moonbin was increasingly charmed by how cute Sanha was as well as how good of a performer he was. Since he too had to focus on his own presentation, his own lines and his own footwork, Moonbin never had the chance to really survey how each of his members performed on stage. Sure he had the dance practice room mirror, but he had never taken the role of a casual viewer, having listened to their own songs way too many times already. He ran through each of the members fancams for that performance, noting each of their unique mannerisms.

Sanha would smile to himself occasionally when it wasn’t his line(adorable as expected of him), Minhyuk would add in extra grooves randomly for fun, Myungjun would be so concentrated on his next line that his expression would settle into a blank stare and Jinwoo would look at a specific fan just to make her feel special.

However, there was one member’s fancam that Moonbin felt hesitant to watch. 

He thought back to Eunwoo’s acting in his various dramas, how he never failed to make his heart beat just a little faster in romantic scenes, how he felt jealous of Ahn Hyo Seop but most of all how a simple touch from his best friend made him feel at home when he was in fact miles away from it.

Moonbin had been fairly sure of his sexuality since childhood, only ever picturing a wife and two kids, never a husband. It wasn’t until he stared into Eunwoo’s eyes the other day did he even begin to question his sexuality in the least. 

Determined to prove that it was just a moment of curiosity and nothing more, Moonbin clicked on the video.

Immediately he was entranced by the way Eunwoo looked at the camera, or more specifically at him. It was as if he was looking right into your soul. Eunwoo’s movements, though not the most technically skilled and sharp, were graceful with an air of sophistication. It seemed like he was simultaneously enjoying himself and putting on a show, all while making it look easy. 

Moonbin almost sighed out loud in relief as he detected only feelings of pride for his friend as the video hit its one minute mark.

Unfortunately he had lowered his guard too soon, as the video hit 1:25 and Eunwoo swivels his hips and stares right into the camera. The move was familiar when done with his own body, but on Eunwoo it looked almost a hundred times, for a lack of a better word, sexier.

Moonbin’s heart skipped a beat and he flailed around trying to press the pause button, pushing some pillows off his bed in the process.

The room was quiet except for the distant sound of the shower spray and the hum of the television outside, allowing Moonbin to be much too aware of his heart beating his ears. He rested his arm on his eyes as he took a few deep breaths.

No, this could not be happening to him! He was sure he was straight for the past twenty years, now was not the right time to realise he liked guys, not in the middle of his idol career and definitely not when the object of his affections was sitting a mere ten feet away from him! 

Moonbin thought about his dream of having a family, a beautiful wife who would cook breakfast for the family in a cosy Seoul apartment, taking the kids to school before going to work. He thought about how if he fell in love with a man, he would have to leave his friends, his job and his family behind just to get married, how he could never have children with a husband. The simple change of his partner’s gender would change the path of his future, and all because his own country would not recognise his love for a man as genuine and deserving of acknowledgement.

Tears welling up into his eyes, he considered the situation carefully. Maybe this was just an isolated incident. He certainly never felt that way about men before, so perhaps it was just Eunwoo(which comparatively could be worse in a different way but he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it). 

Moonbin quickly googles pictures of popular male Kpop idols he knew. BTS’s Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook, Seventeen’s Jeonghan and Seungcheol, KARD’s BM etc. People he knew that if he was into men, he would definitely find attractive.

What he found made him even more upset. He noticed features he had never taken note of before. The slight frame of Jimin and his toned thighs, Jeonghan’s beautiful smile and the muscular stature of BM. 

He considered the possibility that he could be bisexual, something he never imagined he’d have to think about. 

Moonbin stared blankly at the ceiling, having a full on existential crisis, which frankly was rude for coming much earlier than mid-life. 

Just as he wiped the last of his tears from his cheeks, the last person he wanted to see popped his head into the room.

“Binnie-ah, it’s your turn to shower.” 

Moonbin begrudgingly looked up and regretted his decision the moment his eyes set sights on his best friend.

Eunwoo’s hair was still dripping wet from the shower, and he had nothing but a pair of shorts on and his towel wrapped around his shoulders. Moonbin’s eyes couldn’t help but stray to the lean lines on his stomach, following a drop of water running down his neck before he had the chance to grab his things and bolt out of the room.

“Okay thanks bye!” He exclaimed as he brushed past Eunwoo and shut the bathroom door behind him with a loud bang.

Once again, his heart was beating at a rate far too fast for a healthy human and his hands were shaking just slightly. 

Moonbin squeezed his eyes shut and willed thoughts of Eunwoo’s naked upper body away, but only managed to invite them back into his subconscious.

Images of him following the dripping water with his tongue, wrapping his arms around Eunwoo’s toned waist entered his mind. Moonbin let out a silent scream in frustration as he dumped his clothes onto the sink and slid down the bathroom door. With his head between his jean-clad knees, Moonbin allowed his breathing to stabilise. After a few moments of counting and deep breathing, he had his head back on right.

He stood up, got into the shower and considered his options. 

Try to subtly avoid Eunwoo in hopes that he would no longer have feelings for him.  
Accept that this was how things were and just go with the flow.  
Lock himself up whenever possible and have a good cry as many times as he needed.

Moonbin was leaning towards number 3, but he knew that the smart thing to do would be to just act as if everything was normal and try to move on with life. In doing so, perhaps he would crush on someone else(hopefully a woman which would make things slightly less stressful), and forget his feelings for Eunwoo gradually.

On the other hand, he still had to deal with the realisation that he wasn’t as straight as he once thought he was, which was a whole other rabbit hole he didn’t want to touch with a ten foot pole.

As he deep-conditioned his dry and damaged hair, Moonbin gave himself a pep-talk.

He was Moonbin! He made it in this tough of an industry with his talent alone, surely he could deal with a personal crisis too?

After a few more minutes of quiet weeping and steady breathing, Moonbin got out of the shower and dressed in his usual tank top and shorts. Pumping himself up to face Eunwoo again, Moonbin confidently pushed open his bedroom door.

Eunwoo was reading another language study book on his bed, face positioned at just the right angle where Moonbin could see his dangerously sharp jawline. He gulped and grabbed his phone before high-tailing it out of the room and into the safety of the communal living room. 

Moonbin was unable to face Eunwoo alone as of yet. Something he was sure he could improve on before Eunwoo would notice. But for now, a little time with the other members couldn’t hurt him.

—————————————————

Moonbin was just an hour into his Mario Kart showdown with Sanha and Minhyuk when he was interrupted by Jinwoo’s loud voice.

“Guys, everyone, the next episode of Top Management is out! Let’s watch it together!” Jinwoo seemed more excited than usual, bouncing on the spot as the members slowly filed into the room. Everyone settled on the couch as Minhyuk unplugged the Switch and set up Youtube.

Moonbin sat in the loveseat out of habit, but he failed to realise that Eunwoo and him always sat together there, usually wrapped in each others’ arms(only now does it occur to him that it probably shouldn’t be a surprise to him that he liked guys). 

Eunwoo dragged Moonbin into his lap as he routinely did. Moonbin let out a squeak which he frantically tried to hide but failed, causing Eunwoo to furrow his perfectly shaped eyebrows at him in question.

“Are you okay?” Eunwoo whispered into his ear. 

The tickle of his breath sent a shiver down Moonbin’s spine, and he shifted uncomfortably.  
But before Moonbin could chicken out and leap out of Eunwoo’s embrace, the episode had started playing. 

Ahn Hyo Seop and Eunwoo were sitting on a park bench. The lighting was calm yet tension-filled, building up to something Moonbin was sure he wouldn’t like.

“I think I have feelings for you.” Hyo Seop’s character said, eyes downcast and nervous.

The camera pans over to Eunwoo.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Moonbin was shell-shocked. He recalled the drama being about Hyo Seop’s character and the female lead falling in love or something, definitely not some gay drama!

The two actors hold hands behind Eunbin’s back, and they share a long stare, which could only be categorised as ‘eye-f***ing’. Moonbin was almost tempted to look away. He wondered if the universe was trying to spite him on purpose.

The rest of the group burst into laughter at the over-dramatic editing, slapping playfully at Eunwoo about the scene. But Moonbin couldn’t bring himself to join them, frozen in place on Eunwoo’s lap.

It’s revealed that Eunwoo’s character was merely reading fan fiction and actually supported its contents. Moonbin felt sick to the stomach. He couldn’t help but draw a parallel to his own situation, which made him unconsciously sweat underneath his tank top. 

He gently pushed Eunwoo’s arm off and retreated into their room. He maintained a steady gait and nonchalance until he closed the door and buried himself in his blankets. 

It was as if the floodgates of hell had opened. Tears flowed freely down his face as Moonbin curled into himself, an intangible pain creeping its way from his heart to his various extremities. 

He had years of training to get him ready for life as an idol, years of his mother’s teachings to prepare him for adult life, but no one was around to teach him how to deal with liking guys. No one could teach him how to handle being around someone so beautiful and flawless, and keep his hands to himself while pretending that nothing was wrong.

How could he spend time with Eunwoo and act like he always did when every other thing made him think of what he couldn’t have? He thought about how he could never embrace Eunwoo in a romantic way, never be able to hold his hand like couples do, never be able to kiss him.

Moonbin cradled himself in his sheets, blocking the rest of the world from his own private bubble, hoping that a little distance would lesson the ache in his chest but to avail. 

Just as Moonbin was about to cry himself to sleep, someone knocked softly on the door. Moonbin grunted in response and looked up to see the tall frame of Sanha.

“Hyung, are you okay? We thought you just went to the bathroo—A-Are you crying?” Sanha cut himself off mid-sentence, rushing over to Moonbin’s bedside.

Sanha didn’t hold himself back from giving him a full-blown hug, tucking Moonbin’s face into the crook between his neck and shoulder. He didn’t ask what was wrong until Moonbin stopped sobbing and heaving. The room was filled with Sanha’s steady breaths and Moonbin’s hiccups.

Moonbin couldn’t bring himself to hide anything from Sanha, not when he was tired from handling it all by himself.

“Sanha, what am I supposed to do? I like him so much…but there’s no way…I can’t like men, not here, not now…”Moonbin couldn’t finish his sentence without choking on his tears.

Sanha hugged him even tighter than before, running his hand through Moonbin’s hair in a soothing manner.  
“I know exactly how you feel. You’re not alone, okay? You have me, me and all the other members. You never know what's gonna happen. You don’t even know if he feels the same.” Sanha said breathily right next to Moonbin’s ear, seeming close to tears as well.

Moonbin glanced up and looked at his bandmate in question. Sanha smiled in reply, but there was something extremely sad about that smile, for it portrayed every bit of suffering the young boy had to go through without telling a soul.

“Minhyuk hyung.” He choked on the name, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

Moonbin didn’t need anymore explanation. He hugged Sanha as hard as he could muster without hurting him, channeling his pain into comforting his dongsaeng.

He couldn’t believe that he had no idea until now. He had always thought that Sanha was an innocent, overgrown child, when really he couldn’t be more wrong. Sanha was perhaps even more mature than he was. He imagined the pain and suffering Sanha must have gone through, coming to such a realisation and having to pretend that nothing had changed, especially without the support of anyone but himself.

The two found comfort in the warmth of each other’s arms, quietly weeping until they both fell asleep in Moonbin’s bed.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i love suffering


End file.
